I used to be a regular trucker. I did the normal stuff, shipping containers, fridge trailers filled with food for supermarkets. The business went bust and I signed on with an employment agency. You guys know the score. Some days there’s work and some days there’s not. I used to sit in a run down shed waiting for the office guy to hand out some work. The old hands got the cream. One day the sewage suction company wanted a driver’s mate to haul the heavy hoses and jet wash some sewage filters. It was minimum wage but it was something. All the old class one license guys shook their heads. I took it and my life was never the same again.
I was keen to impress. I was only fifty two with my whole life ahead of me. I climbed up into the cab and we drove out to a farm where there was a manhole cover in a yard. We lifted it and tried to push the suction pipe through a hard floating crust on an old fashioned brick cesspit. Like I said, I wanted to impress. I jumped down onto the lunar surface. Neil Armstrong bounced. I didn’t. The driver hosed me off, lent me some of his own overalls and shared his bread with me. His name was John. I looked to heaven and knew I’d been baptized. The company kept me on. I became The One Who Sucks.
Classic toilet humour is not to everyone’s taste. My humour is more about guys who are on the bottom, who suck it up and do the biggest jobs in society. Forget movie stars and pop idols. These guys are the heroes.
Watch this space for the higher forms of comedy from the solids on the bottom.
Oscar Sparrow 